I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
