I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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