so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
