u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
