No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
