i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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