On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
