my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
false alarm, still single
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