Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
