My first STD was from a foam party
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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