i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
