I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am available for nakedness
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
