I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
