I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
