Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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