saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My pussy is not your playground.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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