lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
