I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
