you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
