u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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