xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
