Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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