i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
