The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
