He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
