Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
