she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
