Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
love makes seman taste better
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
