I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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