Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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