how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize