I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
