i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
