Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
