hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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