Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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