the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
