there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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