P.S. I can't hear my feet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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