I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
that's an acceptable place to lick
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
