I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
