matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
