Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
