I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
