dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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