were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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