i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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