Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
