we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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