You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
