Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
