I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
