I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
