who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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