"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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