every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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