its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
