Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
