Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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