Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
