ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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