I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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