She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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