Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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