Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
