whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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