What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
