11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
