Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
