Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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