honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How's work?
Spinning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
