im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
