this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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