Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
