cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
