she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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