Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
